back from the vacation most of you didn't know I was even on!! WOO!!!
Kuma came with us and we had lots of fun... we stayed in a cabin and it hda a hot tub and I got hit in the face with an air hockey puck and went white water rafting with an instructor who had a super-annoying laugh and I learned that I'm great at pool when you're trying to just hit the balls in the holes before the other person does but I would suck if we had to call out the names of the holes and Kuma and I had lots of unprohibited sex and did lots of other smutty things with(KIDDING) and we went go carting and there was this group of kids there and one ran into almost everyone in our group just because they were mean little shits and I almost flipped one off when he slammed me but i didnt and now i'm glad that i didn't do it after all.... It was a hella fun trip.

Oh. hee. I just found out Kuma left a pair of his boxers with us. <333 *steals* nah... I'll just you know... hang them on my wall... the usual... xP

Have any of you seen One Hour Photo? HOLY SHIT that'sa wierd movie. I think the worst part was in the dream he had where he was like... between two empty aisles in the sav-mart and he's got his eyes closed and when he opens them they're all dark red and a little trickle of blood falls down his cheek and then he screams with his hands over his face and blood sprays everywhere??? And nobody's expecting it and it scares the piss out of you????? Yeah, no more psychological thrillers for me. <_< >_> O_O *paranoid*

*listens to Mindless Self Indulgence* Bring the Pain kicks SO much ass in the music world. It's one of my favorite songs like... EVER.

Oh yeah, point. I have a Myspace account, so if ya'll wanna see what goes on in mah life, check it out: [link]

*yays* Hokay--bai.

~Grace-Pants-ss

I really do. I mean, why the hell can't it just flow smoothly for even a little while? I guess I'm not meant to have a happy existence. Long story short, a good friend of mine is now dating my ex(whom I still have feelings for) and she didn't bother to tell me. I had to find out from him on the phone. I don't know why it makes me feel so bad, and I really don't want to be like this, but... I feel so betrayed. And I know she doesn't mean any harm, but I mean... she knows I have feelings for him, and she suffered with me when he hurt us... I thought maybe she might actually care a little more than that. What do I do? I really hate the fact that this guy is influencing my life so much, and I feel like I'm not in control anymore... I mean, wtf? Can't I just get over him and just be his friend? Why the hell do I have to feel like this? God... my life has been a little wayward and hard to deal with lately, but it was getting better... until now. I really wish I could start cutting again... and deep down I know it won't fix this, but it could at least get rid of some of this pain. For a little while, anyway. *shoots herself*

Yays!! I jumped into Jake today and he actually caught me... I didn't think he would, but he DID!!! OMG!!! ....uh.....but anyway.........yesh.

To make a long story short... A guy broke up with me the other day. I really don't feel like drawing this out more and telling why he did it, so I won't. I've been so miserable and I can't stop thinking about it. I want to be mad at him so bad, but he's such a wonderful person and I understand most of his reasoning behind all of this, because I did the same thing... but if I was mad at him, maybe I could stop loving him. And if I could stop loving him, maybe I wouldn't feel this horrible pain that comes every time I think of him.
The afternoon after we broke up, my mom and some visitors we had over came to pick me up from school. When I got in the car, my mom knew something was wrong and I told her. We went to feed some ducks at a park and I had a little fun... but when we got back into the car, I got to thinking again.
We went home and I went into my room to try and find SOMETHING to do... and I saw a picture of him I kept on my desk before... everything happened. I couldn't look away and I started to cry. I can't explain why it hurt so badly. It just did. Eventually, I turned the picture frame over. I got through the rest of the night. Right now, I don't really remember what all I did... I remember wanting to cry all the time. That's all.
That night, I got into bed and tried to close my eyes. But I still thought about him. All of the things I didn't have anymore... All that I'd lost... I broke down and cried myself to sleep. I kept waking up during the night and crying. I didn't know why anymore, I should be over him by now, right?
When I got to school and saw him that morning, he told me that he liked another girl, and after I questioned him, that he wanted to ask her out. Again, I can't explain why, but it hurt so bad to hear those words. I felt so betrayed and unwanted it's not even funny. Of course, nothing was funny to me anymore so it's not like that was REALLY unusual.
I worried for the rest of the morning and saw him sitting with her at lunch. I sat down at another table and tried to ignore them. He came over and invited me to sit with them. I went over and talked to the girl he said he liked. I ended up crying and I had to go to a class. I saw him walk away in a crowd and I felt like he didn't care anymore.
I really wanted to go home and cry for the rest of the day. Inside, I wanted to stop being depressed, but I couldn't... stop crying. I was so afraid that I was going to get on his nerves with my piteous whimpering and sniveling... that he would think I was just irritating and trying to get attention. But I didn't want attention. I wanted everybody else to leave me alone for a while. I was so afraid he was going to go out with someone else and I would have to watch. I still don't know what I am going to do when that finally happens. I just don't know... I know I'm rambling and ranting but it makes me feel better. Sort of. Thanks to any who listened. Comments are welcome.